The Quiet Voice

I slowly climb up the ladder, reaching my foot around to step on the unsteady roof. The can of sealant paint in one hand, and an old brush in another.

I cautiously cross across the hot clay roof, searching for cracks and sealing paint over bolts to prevent leaks. The sun is beating down on my neck and back, and I can't help but think that I will be bright red tonight. A group of people sing in the distance, and although I can't make out the words, something tells me that it's a church group. 

Two nuns walk by, followed by a man carrying a wheelbarrow to the house next door. Across the street, a child is helping his father fix a window, and in the yard down by the house, the children are outside playing. 

My feet are burning from the hot roof, and my forehead drips sweat...

I rely on God to give me Joy through this work, thinking back to Mother Theresa saying that she could not go 30 seconds without praying. I think of all the good that this work will bring...how something as small as sealing a roof can have so grand of an impact...how our small actions can produce huge results with the help of the Creator.

The quiet voice of my Theology professor from the fall gently nudges my conscience..."I absolutely love doing dishes...it's one of the few things I do where I can see the results of my work." And as I look back across the roof, I notice all the work that I've done so far...the numerous bolts covered in a thick black coat. I remember the class when I told her, "We need to find Joy in the little progress that we make instead of waiting for the huge progress."

And I have Peace. I have Joy. I have Gratitude...

...until I come to a bolt that has been previously sealed, yet still has holes in it. Someone has done this before and their work did not prove fruitful. And I begin to question whether my results will have any results.

And the response of that same woman of God pierces straight through my doubt: "Yes, Jake, but what if there is no progress at all? What if our actions don't have any positive results? We need to find Joy in the action itself, not in the results."

And as I continue to seal the roof, as I look out and see all the other people working, a smile gleams across my face, for if we can find Joy in the action itself, than all work will be fruitful. 

And now, two hours later, as I sit on the couch, l hear the pouring rain and thunder, and that same smile comes back across my face.

And the work continues to produce Joy, Peace, and Gratitude.

Unconditional Love Sucks

Finals are officially over and the semester has ended! I'm still on campus for Senior Week, as I'll be singing with the gospel choir for Commencement this weekend. Then, I'll be home for a short seven days, followed by my 65-day trip to Nicaragua!

So many wonderful blessings have been poured out on me over the past two weeks...and while I usually talk about how hard it is to praise God in the midst of suffering and pain, I feel like we overlook how hard it is thank God in the midst of so many blessings.

With a brand new job with Campus Ministry for next year, finishing the semester with all As and Bs, and receiving a sizable service scholarship from the University, sometimes it's easy to attribute these blessings to myself, to forget how much God helped me.

I've been talking with some friends recently about why God's unconditional love sucks.

Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for it, but if I'm being blatantly honest, God's unconditional love pisses me off at times....

Some of you may disagree with me...the fact that we don't have to work for our salvation, that we receive this amazing and infinite gift, how could I not love that?

Well...there's this funny little thing called pride...

I like glory...I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy being the center of attention, receiving recognition, honor, gratitude, praise...anything that makes me feel like I worked for something, earned something, deserved something.

Life, especially in America, sometimes seems like one big rat race...we're all chasing after the American Dream, all trying to be the best, competing with each other. I've worked hard to get good grades, to do so much community service, join so many extracurricular activities. And I'm obviously not alone...millions of students have worked their way up the social ladder, desperate to get to the top. Suzy Lee Weiss sums it all up in her WSJ post.

For me, it's why God's unconditional love angers me at time. We want to feel entitled to something. I can never declare that I have earned God's grace, that I deserve eternal salvation. All of that is open to absolutely everyone, and there is nothing I can do to prove myself worthy. Christ is the only one who can make us worthy.

I recently heard All Sons and Daughter's "All Praise to You" on Pandora, as they repeatedly declare:

"All Glory, All Honor, All Praise to You"

We're not saying "Glory and Honor and Praise to God", we're saying "All Glory, All Honor, All Praise to God"....meaning all that glory that I want? That all has to go to Him.

When we attribute our works to Christ, our achievements, our victories, our accomplishments, we're giving up our thoughts of entitlement, which is a hard thing to do. I completely understand that.

But...

When we give up that entitlement, we start finding more gratitude, and as I've been so often read, gratitude is what leads to true Joy. So be thankful for unconditional love...even if we didn't earn it, we still get true Joy from it.