Wrestling Yahweh

One time, while talking with a friend, I remember him mentioning that he felt like his walk with God is this constant, complacent, not really good, not really bad, walk...no major ups or downs. For me, it could not be farther from the truth...it's a constant cycle with spiritual "highs" and spiritual "lows"...moments of very close connection with God and moments very far away.

Last semester, I was studying Management and Theology...Theology was useful in the "highs" and Management was useful in the "lows". From working at the Career Center at my school, I am well aware of the advantages of double majoring with something like Theology...how unique it makes you, how it tends to show you as an ethical person, how it shows you think about a lot of stuff. Even in these moments where I wasn't sure where I would be in my faith over the next ten years, I was still able to justify a lot of my decisions. I know I have pretty good business skills, and if I chose to actually go down the path of financial "success", it would be possible.

But earlier this semester, after a lot of discernment, after I dropped out of the Business College and made Theology my sole major, I put a major obstacle in the path of financial "success". I no longer had a place to run to...because my "high" self had made a decision that my "low" self wouldn't. I couldn't run away from God.

I had decided upon these three milestones:

God Is Important
God Wants All of Me
God Is Real

So how do these milestones affect my walk with Christ?

This year, I'm taking a class entitled Religion and Autobiography, taught by the amazing Fr. John Dunne. Although the class has been very inspirational, I couldn't get over one moment:

Fr. Dunne had mentioned his book: A Journey with God in Time, and how he believed this "journey" described life. But he had one past colleague who disagreed with him...saying, "That's where you're wrong, John. My life is not a journey with God, but a wrestling with God."

Since that moment, I've greatly resonated with the idea of wrestling with God...rebelling and following Him , loving and hating Him, seeking and running away from Him. Because God's Love is so strong, it makes Him vulnerable at times, and I can easily take advantage of that.

But sometimes, I have to realize how amazing this is. I'm not wrestling a brother, a roommate, a friend...

I'm Wrestling the Creator of the Universe.

I'm Wrestling Yahweh.